So last weekend our KY guest Eric and Alina were ending their trip to Cali and flying home Sat. morning. On Thursday night John informed me that he had invited people over for another cookout on Friday. I am sure there are many women like me out there that prefer to have a little prep time before hosting company, even if company includes a couple of random guys from Johns work and 2 friends from KY. I can't help it, blame my mom. I have it thoroughly ingrained in me that before company comes you clean you house and get your recipes ready. Since we had no food to cook and I had to work all day Friday this revelation of company wasn't a welcome surprise. John told me that we would just cook the hashbrown casserole we had frozen last weekend (I made 2, served 1 and froze 1) and he would get the rest. I insisted that you can't serve the same thing to the same company 2 weekends in a row. We debated this and I would say "fine, I don't even care you just figure out what we are eating" and then my mind would say "no you must prepare new wonderful dishes" During the schizophrenic debate in my mind I found random ingredients in the pantry and made 2 desserts, neither of which I was happy with because I didn't have all the right ingredients and my substitutions were that great.
I woke up Friday morning feeling somewhat tense. I learned a long time ago that people with introvert personalities like myself recharge by spending time alone. So even though I loved my company I hadn't really recharged in a week. Plus when you have company in a little apartment everything seems out of place all the time and I was trying not to notice since I know it is a personal problem to want to have everything in a certain place all the time. I would like to believe that living in Cali has made me very relaxed and I don't even care if things are messy but that is not the case. Much like my accent certain parts of our personality don't change just because we move to a new location. I can do well with clutter for a few days then I start to feel overwhelmed by it. Even though only a few things might be messy my mind makes me feel like I am being smothered by clutter. Friday morning was a day that my crazy mind won over reality. No one was working Friday morning but me so I was trying to be quiet which meant changing parts of my normal routine so I didn't disturb anyone. That combined with a couple things being out of place sent me in to a panic attack. When I described the overwhelming clutter and mess to John (who was laying innocently in the bed) he got frustrated and couldn't understand what the big deal was. The reason he couldn't see it is because he is not a crazy person like me. This turned in to an emotional morning of us fighting and me crying, the root cause being my craziness. Since I normally try to moderate my craziness it makes John think I am really crazy when I let it all come out. I would describe how I felt that morning similar to a panic attack. I feel like I am being smothered. I can know that what I am feeling is irrational but it doesn't stop my mind and body from reacting like I am being crushed. I could and have taken medication for this before but I don't really like being medicated so I chose to just deal with it and this means occasionally I will be very crazy and a lot of days I am very mildly crazy. Luckily most women are mildly crazy so this doesn't really stand out. It was explained to me by a doctor that I just don't have as many of the happy chemicals flowing freely in my mind that some people do. So to all you bubbly personalities out there congrats on your abundance of happy chemicals, cherish them. Needless to say I got to work and relaxed and returned home a normal person. John didn't know if the crazy person or the normal person was going to come home and he was very sweet that afternoon. Did I mention the house was spotless when I got home, I guess being crazy does have its benefits.
The rest of the weekend we were pretty lazy and did some good relaxing. I did run 15 miles on Sunday as part of my marathon training, I can officially say this is the farthest I have ever run. I don't ever want to run farther than that but unfortunately I have to do 26 for the marathon, I think this is what makes me really crazy.
I know you all might be disappointed by the lack of food references so I will mention that I made smores on Friday night. We were suppose to do a fire on the beach but since we are lazy we just made them in the microwave (really I was the only one that made on). Sat. we had huge breakfast burritos with chirizo (mexican sausage). Sat. night we ordered pizza and this chicken pesto roll, both of which were very good. Sunday I had to do a walk for the American Heart Association with some coworkers and we had donuts beforehand which meant my stomach hurt the whole walk. I am excited to try a new restaurant this weekend and will report back soon. We are also hiking in LA on Sat. and John is researching where we should eat after our hike.
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